Did I Miss Something?

I have a hair appointment after work tonight.  This means that while I'm relaxing with a glass of wine and chatting tv shows and movies with the ladies of Vanity Chic, my children will be systematically destroying my house.  Seriously.  It's a given.  I'll get home around 7:30, and while the children will be fed, clean, happy, and about ready for bed.  But my house will be 2600 square feet of chaos and disaster.

It's not their fault.  Not really.  They're 2 and 5. I'm trying to instill that we clean up after ourselves, but it's hard to keep A motivated to pick up her stuff when the second that her Magic Clip Princesses are in the box her brother dumps them out.  And in the interest of fairness (something I'm big on, but that's another story) I don't really feel right about asking A to clean up after her brother.

So what will happen is after bedtime, I'll make the rounds through the house and clean up.  It's going to suck. I'm going to be tired and cranky, but I'll tell myself that it's the price I pay for two hours of peace and quiet and it'll be over soon.  Which it will.  In a half hour I can have pretty much everything where it belongs and I'll feel better about everything.  I don't function well in chaos.

And that's kind of why I'm confused about why it's suddenly become the thing among parents, mainly moms, to share what a clusterf*ck state your house and sometimes yourself, are in.  Seriously.  I follow or used to follow a lot of the more popular mom blogs. But honestly, I got really sick of hearing about how you haven't had time to shower in three days and your house is a disaster and here is a pic of the laundry that is taller than your child. Look, I get it. Kids are not neat and clean.  They have no respect for organizational systems and they'll eat floor Cheerios before they'll eat a dinner that you spent all afternoon putting together. But why are you almost bragging about what a wreck you are? What happened to having pride in yourself and your home?

When it comes to the domestic front I'm pretty much on my own.   Whether I go to work or not, I get a shower.  Every day. Sometimes I get up painfully early to do it. Before I go to bed at night, my house is cleaned up. It's not photo ready, but you better believe that I'm not letting milk solidify on the counter and leaving a sinkful of dishes. I do have a once a month housekeeper that does the deep cleaning stuff. But she doesn't do my laundry or pick up toys or organize my mail.

I'm not necessarily saying that we should go back to the 1950s and there are probably feminists reading this that are ready to tear my head off.  I just don't get why we are spending hours on Pinterest and Facebook and Instagramming our filthy homes instead of taking care of them.  Did I miss something? Did it become cool and fashionable to be what people nowadays call "a hot mess"?  And if you are going to be a hot mess, why are you bragging about it? Do you want the world to cheer you on in solidarity?

My mother and grandmother maintained pristine homes, all while raising children and getting minimal help from spouses. And being dressed every day.  If messy homes and unshowered moms are the new normal today, what's going to be normal for my kids? Gross.

Rant over.

Now stop reading this and go put your laundry away :)

Is Honesty Really Best? (Or, Just Another Solo Sunday)

I do a lot of solo parenting.  I mean A LOT. And not the kind where I’m home alone with the kids until dinnertime, when my husband comes home to take over.  I don’t have the luxury of retiring to my room to take painkillers and watch Netflix at 5pm when I get a migraine.  I can’t often hand off bathtime on a day that I JUST CAN’T anymore.  At minimum, it’s 24 straight hours. Lots of times it’s more.

Don’t get me wrong, I knew that going in.  It’s a choice I made, as I am sure someone is thinking right now.   (Because that’s totally how falling in love works. Make sure he works a 9-5 and makes enough money so I can stay home. Priorities.)  I chose to assume this role in parenting the kids, and keep my career going, etc.  But the choice I struggle with all too often is how much of the day to day stress I should share with my husband.

Yesterday was rough. A decided that the only suitable activity for her was to launch herself off the couch in the playroom onto a pile of blankets. (Thanks, Clover, for teaching my child the concept of a “soft landing”.) Liam is a toddler terror, made worse by the fact that he is huge for his age and smart way beyond his almost two years.  He wanted a still undetermined item from a cabinet above my desk, and was prepared to stand there and scream until I retrieved said item.  A chose that moment to start bouncing off of the living room furniture, which is strictly forbidden. And then the phone started going off with work stuff.  So I did what any solo parent would do.  I pretty much lost it. Spun out.

I’ve had worse days.  I mean, there was the day that Liam stole a full used coffee filter from the trash can and took off into the living room. And the time that he got a full container of cocoa powder out of the pantry.  And the time that A found a lip gloss and went nuts in her room.  Oh, and don’t forget the time she found the purple marker, but no paper, and thought the walls were a suitable substitute.  But in the context of the moment, yesterday was pretty bad.  I had plans for it to be a screen time free day, filled with art and activities and stories and such.  Turns out I made it until 10:30.

So then when Bill texted me around 11 to see how the day was going, I had to make a decision.  Do I tell him that I am literally a step away from the edge? That would make him feel helpless, because there was nothing he could do. And maybe guilty, because he wasn’t there to back me up. It’s his job, it’s what he does. But I know he’d rather be home with us on any given day. Is he having a bad day? Hearing that things are falling apart on the homefront might make it worse.  What if he’s having an awesome day? Do I want to bring him down?

But if I don’t want to tell him about the struggles of the day, isn’t that like lying? Do I want to lie, and tell him that the day is just great, and we’ve having so much fun?  Isn’t it best to be honest, and tell him that things are out of control? He has bad days with the kids too, when he’s home. 

Fortunately after nap time, things seemed to calm down.  Liam was excited to play Expedition, where we set up Base Camp in the playroom, then a series of other camps throughout the house until summiting the “mountain” in my room. We watched some movies, had some dinner, and everyone made it to bed at a reasonable time.  But still, even now, I’m not sure how much of yesterday’s drama I need to share.  I’ll probably do what I’ve been doing, which is downplay it a bit.

Until the next time A and Liam decide to make potions with the baby shampoo and bubble bath again.  There’s no holding me back on that one.

Liam poses at Camps 2 and 3. 

Peace Out, JCC: Lessons From Jewish Preschool

Today is kind of bittersweet.  It’s Amelia’s last day at the JCC.  We had planned on letting her ride out this school year until the end of May, but for a lot of reasons that I won’t go into, it was time to make the change now.  For the first two years, it was a really great fit for us. And I credit her teachers from the first two years for teaching her so much.  I was expecting to be emotional this week, but seeing as how two different strangers have been watching her class when I’ve done pickup this week, that hasn’t happened. Not to mention the revolving door of teachers that she has had since October.

But there are some really, really great things that I’m taking with us today.  I’m not Jewish as everyone knows, but there are certain Jewish traditions that I have learned over the last two years.  And some of them are really fantastic.  A mommy blogger that I love, Ilana Wiles, described her youngest daughter as “a big fat Jewish sponge”. Meaning that even though they weren’t ultimately that religious, her daughter picked up a lot at Jewish preschool that she brought home.  They have started implementing more and more of what she learns in school, and it’s been really great for their family.

So, I present to you, a few Jewish things that this Catholic girl is taking away with her today.

• ·         First and foremost, the Shabbat dinner.  The Jewish Sabbath starts at sundown on Friday and lasts until nightfall on Saturday.  Not everyone celebrates with the same level of severity. (Very much like Catholics and Lent.) But I’ve found that I really, really like the idea of having one dinner at home per week that is kind of special.  Traditionally, you use good plates, tablecloths, the works. I know most of us aspire to have family dinner every night. For most people it’s just not possible.  But one meal? I think I can handle that.  So if we’re friends, plan on being invited for a Shabbat dinner.  Besides, Challah is freaking amazing.
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• ·         With the exception of the High Holy Days (the Jewish New Year) most Jewish holidays feel a lot less stressful. I’m sure a lot of it varies from family to family, but I have yet to meet a Jewish family that gets as crazy over Hanukkah as we non Jewish families get over Christmas and Easter.  Most Jewish families that I know take holidays way more in stride. It’s not a constant flow of bake this, cook this, take 16 days off for various celebrations, decorate the house from top to bottom… Hanukkah lasts for 8 crazy nights, but life goes on during those 8 nights.  In fact, lots of Jewish families celebrate the holidays by going somewhere tropical and I am so down with that!
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• ·         Challah is amazing (yes, I know that I have said this already.) Try it.
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• ·         Mitzvot.  I hope I spelled that right. That’s when you do something nice for someone.  It probably has a super deep meaning and I am probably oversimplifying it, but my own interpretation is that it’s like paying it forward.
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• ·         And last but not least, I can say Grace in Hebrew.  Top that.

There are a lot of other cool things that I got to experience by sending A to Jewish preschool. I’m glad that she got the diversity of being around a lot of kids who are growing up in a different culture and faith than her own.   I’m excited for her to start this new chapter in her life, and I’m super excited that I am not going to have to make a twice daily drive down 18 from 77 to Medina.  I might still cry when I pick her up today and drive out of that parking lot for the last time…But I’m taking a lot of memories and lessons along with me.