It’s rapidly becoming one of the most dreaded office events in America, right alongside school band candy sales and sexual harassment awareness training. It takes up our free time. It smells up the building and destroys diets. It aggravates a huge number of people, yet no one ever wants to be the one to stand up and put a stop to it.
Yes, it’s the Office Food Day. Now, I am not referring to the bagels brought in by a grateful client or the cake brought in for birthdays. Office Food Day is way more complicated than that. Near as I can tell, Office Food Day originated in the early 80’s, when potluck dinners were all the rage. More wives and mothers were transitioning to the workplace, and in order to ease that transition, brought the concept of bringing covered dishes and baked goods away from the block party and into the office. I mean, look at the days portrayed in the TV show “Mad Men.” Back in the 50’s and 60’s, you didn’t see men in suits and unmarried secretaries saying “Hey, it’s Barb’s last day. Let’s all bring in baked beans and taco dip to see her off.” That kind of thing was reserved strictly for family gatherings like birthday parties and graduations.
As time went on and more women went back to work in the 70’s and 80’s, the habit of potluck hit offices full steam. The smallest occasion was cause for one of these events, whether they were in back rooms of bank branches or the lunch rooms of corporate offices. And I get it, I really do. It was what women of this time knew, so it’s what they brought with them. I don’t blame them for hauling the crock pot into work in order to share their secret family recipe or taking up precious office fridge space for homemade pasta salad. What I don’t understand is how and why this tradition has been able to continue through the 90’s and the millennium. But in order to analyze this more closely, we need to take a closer look at the modern Office Food Day. There are several fundamentals that Office Food Days have in common.
1. The Organizer – This is almost always a woman in her mid to late 40’s or early 50’s. She is usually an administrative person (management having no time for this sort of thing) and is generally someone who stayed home with her kids until they went to school. Said kids are often out of the house and on their own, or at the very least coming to the end of their high school careers. This explains The Organizer’s conditioned need to plan some sort of event, and the free time to do so.
2. The Event – Pretty much anything will do if The Organizer sets her mind to it. Someone’s last day, a promotion, a merger, a Wednesday..Any event, or no event, can be turned into an Office Food Day.
3. The Contributors – These are the people who are drinking The Organizer’s Kool Aid. They will assemble a dish and be absolutely elated at trying everyone else’s recipes. Contributors are generally in the same age bracket and demographic as the Organizer, but lack the initiative to start a Food Day themselves. You have to keep an eye on Contributors as they have the potential to turn into Organizers.
4. The Followers – The 20 and 30 somethings who don’t get what all the fuss is about. Followers are thoroughly annoyed by the whole thing, but don’t let anyone except fellow Followers onto that fact. Followers will pick up a giant cookie from the grocery store or volunteer to bring in plates and disappear 20 minutes into the event, choosing instead to update their Facebook statuses or read People.com at their desks.
5. The Location – This depends on the type of office in question. Preferably, Office Food Day takes place in a lunchroom. This is a problem, because anyone choosing not to participate must then adjust their schedules so as not to need coffee or the microwave during the event. However, the alternative is to reserve a conference room for the event (if available). This is even worse, particularly for anyone who needs the conference room in the near future, as Food Day causes a range of aromas that circulate through the entire floor, yet are most concentrated at the point of origin. Also, someone must be in charge of cleaning up after Food Day, as office cleaning staff is generally incapable of doing anything more labor intensive than vacuuming the carpets and taking out the trash. And for some reason, The Organizer suddenly becomes swamped with work as soon as the event is over, rendering her incapable of handling cleanup.
6. The Sign Up Sheet - This begins circulating a week or so before the event. The point is to ensure that you do not have four taco dips and no chips. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. There are pros and cons to the sign up sheet. Pro, ideally it guarantees a variety of fascinating dishes for everyone to share. Con, you are committed to making/bringing whatever it is that you indicate on the sign up sheet. Heaven help you if you sign up to make brownies and end up bringing chip dip. There is no flexibility with the sign up sheet, so one must think hard and choose wisely when committing to a dish.
Once these components are present, you have the makings of your traditional Office Food Day. The day begins with the influx of crock pots, Pyrex dishes in insulated carrying cases, and Tupperware. Setup begins for The Organizer around 11, who has been excused for lunch an hour early. This is also when the complex intermingling smells start coming from The Location. Usually it’s a mix of Mexican from the always present taco dip and some type of salad dressing that was spilled during the preparation. The smell that permeates throughout the office will linger for the rest of the week.
Office Food Day begins at noon. The crowds filter in and the spread is examined. Now comes the challenging task of making a meal out of salads, dips, and desserts. Nothing present is ever even remotely healthy. The closest that might pass as healthy food is a veggie tray, the freshness of which is questionable and is always accompanied by a ranch dip concoction. Chances are, the only edible food is the least healthy and will leave staff groggy and in a food coma for the rest of the day. The Organizer and Contributors will sit together and talk about their recipes and tell everyone how wonderful everyone’s food is, regardless of whether or not they actually like it. The Followers will mingle briefly before disappearing back to their offices or ditching Food Day for the Winking Lizard.
So why, you might ask, is Office Food Day so annoying? Well, I can only speak for myself. I probably fall into the Follower category. That being the case, you might wonder why. The first thing that bothers me about Food Day is that I don’t cook. I can, but I don’t like to. If it’s my night to make dinner, my family is getting Shake n Bake chicken and baked potatoes. So having to actually prepare something for Food Day is torture. Going along with this is the fact that it takes up time. When I get home from work at night, my time is mine and my family’s. I do not want to have to use precious quality time making food to be enjoyed by a lot of people I only halfway like. If I am going to spend a tremendous amount of time cooking, I want it to be for my closest friends and family. And my fellow Followers pretty much feel that same way. Food Day takes up time at work as well. I would much rather take a shorter lunch, or work through lunch altogether, and call it a day earlier. Food Day turns a standard lunch into an event lasting several hours, and that is aggravating as well.
Food Day is also a pain because of the food itself. Quite frankly, most of it is nasty. A good lunch for me is light and healthy and keeps me full until dinner. It is NOT empty calories, high carb and responsible for sending me into a food coma. You can call me a picky eater, but I would much rather have my standard turkey sandwich and pretzels over any of the standard Food Day dishes. For anyone who is watching their weight or just doesn’t care for junk food, Food Day is nothing less than sabotage.
Finally, Food Day disrupts a routine. I don’t like to be distracted at work. I like to get in, do my job, and leave. I don’t really consider myself to be antisocial, but I really believe that work is for work and that is all there is too it. My job does not define me, so I like to get through it as quickly and seamlessly as possibly every day. And as anyone who has ever attended Office Food Day will tell you, everyone is essentially useless afterwards.
So why not just not participate? If it bothers me so much, why do I still go? Well, it becomes a case of not wanting to be the only one against it. Also, being seen as being against Food Day can be seen as being against The Organizer and The Contributors. And you have to feel bad for them if they are so excited by something like this. It’s the high point of their day, of their week, of their month. Food Day Organizers and Contributors usually don’t feel needed outside of work, so allowing them to plan these types of events makes them feel a sense of purpose. Nobody really wants to feel responsible for taking this away from them.
The only answer then, it seems, is to just suck it up and deal with it. Eventually, the Food Day fans will retire. The newer generation of office employees is far more likely to be composed of Followers than Contributors and Organizers. It will only be a matter of time until Office Food Day is a thing of the past. No longer will we be subjected to Crock Pots and bad dip and crackers and cole slaw. At least we can hope……
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